Chaos Digitized

Couple nights ago was stressful... suicide/self-harm watch with my daughter while her little brother ran around playing. It was so bad, she didn't even want him hugging her. She couldn't even find joy there. While all this was going on, their dad was chatting away with our "tenant" (hell, she paid a whole $20 for utilities - I should be cooking gourmet meals every night, not just on the weekends). Finally around 11 (while dad and the "tenant" were snoring), the kid started to come down from the height of her episode and she started relaxing and I felt almost ok to go to bed while she played on her phone. I gave her almost two hours more... engaging her without pushing... walking the tightrope. She told me she doesn't want to be here. doesn't want to be in the south at all... and... doesn't want to be around dad because he's mean and doesn't try to understand her. Same, baby... same. I have been in a bad place lately but I put i...

I apologize for the lack of new posts lately (my one loyal reader and friend). Things have been pure hell at home. I honestly don't know where to go from here except to an attorney's office. I feel trapped and lonely and hopeless in that place. My sister in law offered to lend me the money for an attorney. So I can divorce her brother... my daughters have mentioned a desire to have mom and dad stop fighting... and the younger has told me to ask for a divorce. Yep... not even a teen and wants me out so I can be happy and not get yelled at all the time. I am at the end of my rope. this isn't a call out to be rescued or babied or reassured this time. This is a cold hard fact and I'm done. I will have an opportunity next weekend to move his shit out of my bedroom. As tempting as that is I don't want my girls to witness the shitstorm that will unleash. think good thoughts? c.d.