Chaos Digitized

I like the idea of a secret identity. An identity where a person's deeds, be they good or evil, are the basis for judgement. Well that and the conventional good looks. Because who would love supergirl if she were a big fat blob of a girl, albeit one who could fly and do great things? My secret identity,  I suppose, is Chaos Digitized.  And I'm a witty, smart, snarky writer with depressive tendencies. I'm one of my own favorite writers, in fact. In real life, I'm quiet. I'm a doormat, in fact.  But here.. here i'm something special. But..... I'm not sure that's enough. I need a pen name. But I'm thinking that my pen name should have an interesting backstory. Just one more layer of anonymity  (professional life plus my subject matter = explosion) and an inside joke with my loyal fans... Brooke Jameson ... ** Carmen Drake.. Carter J. D'Andrea Blanche Birch Hmmm.... I'll come up with character profiles for these names and see...

I've had the occasion of late to be asked what I want.  What do I want to eat to celebrate a special day.  What do I want as a gift.  What do I want to do to celebrate the anniversary a day that is supposed to be about me. I don't know what I want.  I spend so much of my emotional (and financial) capital catering to the desires and demands of my kids and their hard- to- please dad that I can't even come close to knowing what I want... what I need.... what will make me feel important... what will make me feel loved. Coz I don't, currently. I don't feel important.  I don't feel loved (well... my kids love me but you know what I'm looking for) I don't know if I even love myself. My soundtrack... my refrain... my mantra?  "I can't do this.  I hate my job (I don't), I hate my life, I hate my situation, I hate my family (I only really hate the one member), I can't do this anymore. " Positive self-talk can bring about g...

I have already failed at my twice a week goal. Life happens, right? I've also skipped the last two writers groups... Life. I'm doing nothing for me. Except the guitar. But no writing.  No fun. No life.... because life happens. I need three things. 1. Sex. Seriously it's been too long. 2. Music. I've been avoiding music for a long time because there's no joy in it. 3. Art - time for my writing and drawing and just time to be creative. But.... Life happens and those things aren't really gonna happen soon... So... I'm just gonna hang onto the little bit of life I've got. Anyone wanna kidnap me? Please? C.D.