It is done. And worth it.
Obviously, things have been crazy in my neck of the woods. Between court (oh so fun) and figuring out holidays and time sharing (fucking Florida... shared custody is Time Share), and holding the teen almost nightly for the first month, things have been so hard.
Hard, but worth it.
He's still trying to push my buttons.
He's still trying to exert control - over my budget, my parenting, my time.
But still worth it.
I paid roughly 50% more in legal fees than I had anticipated.
STILL worth it.
I keep telling myself that things will get better.
But... as long as I rely on him to be a good dad, things will continue to be hard.
I seriously got asked why he would help me get the kids to appointments when it would be helping me and not the girls. Between those appointments, I burned a full day of paid time off.
I'm tired. I got sick and I'm still fighting an infection - caused mostly by no sleep and way-too-high stress. But, getting sick made me stop and actually sleep (after I washed the dishes because having dishes in the sink kinda squicks me out).
I slept hard... and I'm still hurting. I'm pushing too hard and it's affecting my health. I have nobody to take care of me - and nobody to pick up the slack with the kids. So they're surviving on frozen foods and takeout. But they're surviving.
Moms are expected to do it all these days, single or married. But... the majority of that expectation is coming from the mom herself. She feels "less than" when she asks for, or accepts, help. Because all these perfect Facebook moms are doing elf on the shelf and volunteering, and everything else and THEY'RE not getting help, right?
And, please pardon me while I step up onto a carton of Irish Springs here... the whole "let me know what I can do" sort of help is a cop out by family who should be there. It doesn't DO anything except pressure the mom (that's barely hanging on) to think of ways that would actually help, but you might just reject doing (and let's be honest here, you WILL reject doing it or you will do it in a way that just creates more work and stress for the mom).
My own family is still understandably distant. My mom is the one that inspired the TED talk above.
"But she's helping!"
Sure...
So... some advice for those wanting to help a single mom that you care about?
Just... spend a little time thinking about what would help you if you had kids and a job and not enough time in the day... then..
Just do that.
I'm sorry, guys. This was meant to be a first post-divorce triumph piece and instead... it's the same dumpster fire you always get with me.
But....
Despite the illness. Despite the rant. Despite the trouble. Despite the emotional cess pit. Despite the flambé de garbáge....
Still fucking worth it.
Baby steps,
C.D.
Hard, but worth it.
He's still trying to push my buttons.
He's still trying to exert control - over my budget, my parenting, my time.
But still worth it.
I paid roughly 50% more in legal fees than I had anticipated.
STILL worth it.
I keep telling myself that things will get better.
But... as long as I rely on him to be a good dad, things will continue to be hard.
I seriously got asked why he would help me get the kids to appointments when it would be helping me and not the girls. Between those appointments, I burned a full day of paid time off.
I'm tired. I got sick and I'm still fighting an infection - caused mostly by no sleep and way-too-high stress. But, getting sick made me stop and actually sleep (after I washed the dishes because having dishes in the sink kinda squicks me out).
I slept hard... and I'm still hurting. I'm pushing too hard and it's affecting my health. I have nobody to take care of me - and nobody to pick up the slack with the kids. So they're surviving on frozen foods and takeout. But they're surviving.
Moms are expected to do it all these days, single or married. But... the majority of that expectation is coming from the mom herself. She feels "less than" when she asks for, or accepts, help. Because all these perfect Facebook moms are doing elf on the shelf and volunteering, and everything else and THEY'RE not getting help, right?
And, please pardon me while I step up onto a carton of Irish Springs here... the whole "let me know what I can do" sort of help is a cop out by family who should be there. It doesn't DO anything except pressure the mom (that's barely hanging on) to think of ways that would actually help, but you might just reject doing (and let's be honest here, you WILL reject doing it or you will do it in a way that just creates more work and stress for the mom).
My own family is still understandably distant. My mom is the one that inspired the TED talk above.
"But she's helping!"
Sure...
So... some advice for those wanting to help a single mom that you care about?
Just... spend a little time thinking about what would help you if you had kids and a job and not enough time in the day... then..
Just do that.
I'm sorry, guys. This was meant to be a first post-divorce triumph piece and instead... it's the same dumpster fire you always get with me.
But....
Despite the illness. Despite the rant. Despite the trouble. Despite the emotional cess pit. Despite the flambé de garbáge....
Still fucking worth it.
Baby steps,
C.D.
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