Writing to spite life

As an accountant... in tax... I'm a little busy right now. Just a little. Like... well..  not as bad as it will be, but still working a *hard* 55-60 hours a week.

"But Chaos... you sit at a desk all day... how is that hard?"

Pull up a chair, baby... lemme 'splain sommat to ya. You know how hard it is to do your little baby 1040? How anxious you get over fucking something up with the IRS and getting audited? 

Try talking to the IRS on an audit. And while you're spending hours listening to their inane keyboard and toms on an endless loop, you're trying to concentrate on other people's tax returns. And you have to be ready to switch gears like you're sponsored. Because when the agent comes on the line, they don't care that you're in the middle of a tape (do non-finance people even know what I mean there?), or that your (allegedly) mentally challenged trainee "gots questions". Es a bit stressful, mah baby.

And, if you're in your 30s or later like me, you'll get my next movie reference. I have *three bosses*.. 
Each boss (actually more than that.. but that's another story) has their own agenda.  Their own worklist, timeline, and agenda for my time. So I'm trying to keep the biggies happy and keep my head down and get enough hours, and train the simple fool without losing track of getting enough hours, enough billable hours, and not spending too much time on each individual client.

Some nights the only thing I eat for dinner is the extra hours that are over budget for the expectations of the partners. Nom nom, baby.

And... I'm a single mom with a less-than-ideal custody schema. I have the kids all the time.
"But Chaos! Don't parents want their kids all the time? You're lucky! You're blessed!"

No baby... I'm not. The kids need their Daddy.. because as shit of a husband as he was, he was also a great dad.  Was.

Oh, no no no.... he's still alive.  Just so much of a see-you-next-Tuesday that my kids hate the little bit of time they see him.

So I... I have my kids all the damn time, but I'm at work all the time so they never see me either.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Seriously...

So tonight... I'm sitting alone having a little dinner alone while the kids get their one time a week with their dad. Writing.  Despite having more important things to do. Despite the fact that I could set up my laptop and work more on my neverending worklist. Or I could be doing laundry. Or showering.  Or sleeping. 

I'm writing.

Because really, fuck life.  Fuck the work.  I need to get some of the feelings out of me. So I write.

Seriously people, don't hug your accountant coz we don't need your 'Rona, but give us love somehow.
And the same for single parents. This shit is hard. 

Now someone bring me tacos, a cozy blanket and cuddle up to my cold ass.

Much love,
C.D.

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