PWP - Premier Writing Prompt

I was shopping for something for my stepson and I dropped into a discount store to kind of unwind a little. I decided on not one, but two books (livin on the edge, baby) aand a couple of small toys for my desk.

yes. toys. for. my. desk. I play with the toys with my left hand while I ten key and edit work papers with my right. It's a focus thing. Makes me work faster, better, and less insane during my loooooong weeks.

Anyway, back to the books. They're writing prompts. Very fucking cool, right? One of the prompts was, "Who would you most like to punch in the face?" I'm afraid that that's too easy and obvious to answer.

So, I grabbed the other book while I was waiting for a service (don't want my blog uber searchable so forgive me for not going deeper on that. Suffice it to say that I had to take a part of my day off to do something that a good husband husband who loved me and understood what my effing career requires would never have had me do in the first place.) The book. The prompt I flipped to was "What is the main thing standing in your way?" Good goddess, where do I begin? (oh and in case you don't know me, I will never capitalize the shorter g word... I'll intentionally use improper capitalization if that shit falls at the beginning of a sentence... and... I'm trying goddess out just coz I can) /rant /tangent

What is standing in my way? fear of change. fear of being alone. fear or failure. Feeling like I've never been and never will be good enough. That's the big one. mega huge. I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough. I'm fucking smart- just ask my former classmates and my coworkers (former and current). I'm smart. But not smart enough. I'm so insecure about my intelligence, abilities, skills, and everything that sometimes it paralyzes me. But I fake being ok so nobody can tell. You can't tell, can you? I mean, it's obvious that I'm broken, but is it obvious that I'm insecure? goddamn... layers within layers... I'm insecure about being insecure. Am I good enough? only I can tell... and that's what's standing in my way.

what is enough anyway? C.D.

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