The world

When you give up the world for someone, you wind up without the world and without the someone.
I had a panic attack/nervous breakdown this afternoon. I can barely breathe... and I don't want to double up on my meds in one day because I don't want my whole life to be dependent on "as needed" meds. I'm not eating (woohoo, weightloss), drinking as much water as I can handle and taking something to help me sleep (OTC only because the stronger stuff makes me sleep through the next day and that doesn't mesh well with a full bladder).
The moral of the story is that, because of the circumstances that triggered the attack,  I  couldn't talk to H. I tried getting up with a couple of friends,  but I haven't seen them in forever and they're busy anyway.
That leaves family.  My mom.... my siblings...
Oh...
Wait...
I don't have them anymore.
My best friend?
Nope... gone.
I'm alone.
So I took the long way home and cried.  Nobody missed me.
I'm not important.
Never was.

I know I sound like a whiney little bitch,  but this blog is about me and I need to mourn the loss of... everything.

I'm in the swamp.  Artax is mired in it up to the neck... I'm trying to get him out, but he's giving up.
Or am I Artax?

Full of despair (tonight anyway)
C.D.

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