where should I sleep?
I have been having problems sleeping lately. You know who has been kind of a dick so I've been reluctant and in some cases, anxiety-riddled with just the thought of going to bed. Like requiring anxiety meds just to crawl into bed, turn my back on him, and count sheep.
Because of his funky schedule, he goes to bed before I do. Key word bed.
I'm not the asshole* here. Why the hell should I be expected to sleep on the couch just because he goes to bed first?
I'm starting to drift a bit here. We have two couches. Neither is particularly comfy. One is a sofa bed ('nuff said), the other is a bonded leather monstrosity that 1) has come unbonded and sheds little bits of leather everywhere, 2) has suffered from my enormous ass sitting on it, so it isn't particularly springy or cushy and 3) it has a bar that presses across my lower back when I sit on it. It's still preferable to the sofa bed, but not by a lot.
I don't want to sleep on either of the couches. I deserve my bed#. I deserve to feel relaxed upon entering my bed.
He naps a lot because of the whole weird hours thing and sometimes I walk into the bedroom for something. Invariably he's on his back, mouth open, slight snore☆, and his hand reached out, resting on the dog. He doesn't reach out to me anymore. I always have to reach out to him if I want human contact. The indifference is overwhelming.
So my goals for now are to set up a bed in the bedroom vacated a year ago by my mother◇, work on a separation/coparenting/cohabitation agreement, and, eventually, find someone to be the big spoon to my little spoon. Is it awful that I just want to be held sometimes? Hell, why am I asking you? My feelings are mine and can't be bad because I'm not the villain in this story because I'm telling it.
Anyway, I've got stuff to do, so I'm cutting this short.
Stay tuned for my utter lack of progress in my goals♧.
C.D.
*to be fair, I've done some asshole things lately. Passive aggressively and unknown/unnoticed to anyone besides myself, but I'm still NOT
as much of an asshole, so there's that.
#nobody really deserves anything, I'm constantly reminded, but I do know that I deserve better than I get from him.
☆anything less than a freight train is slight to me because I once had a neighbor about half a football field away that would wake me up with his snores.
◇But first I have to pack the rest of her shit up and move it out to the garage.
♧just being realistic, home slice. I've been unhappy here for years and I'm still doing nothing much more than bitching about it.
Because of his funky schedule, he goes to bed before I do. Key word bed.
I'm not the asshole* here. Why the hell should I be expected to sleep on the couch just because he goes to bed first?
I'm starting to drift a bit here. We have two couches. Neither is particularly comfy. One is a sofa bed ('nuff said), the other is a bonded leather monstrosity that 1) has come unbonded and sheds little bits of leather everywhere, 2) has suffered from my enormous ass sitting on it, so it isn't particularly springy or cushy and 3) it has a bar that presses across my lower back when I sit on it. It's still preferable to the sofa bed, but not by a lot.
I don't want to sleep on either of the couches. I deserve my bed#. I deserve to feel relaxed upon entering my bed.
He naps a lot because of the whole weird hours thing and sometimes I walk into the bedroom for something. Invariably he's on his back, mouth open, slight snore☆, and his hand reached out, resting on the dog. He doesn't reach out to me anymore. I always have to reach out to him if I want human contact. The indifference is overwhelming.
So my goals for now are to set up a bed in the bedroom vacated a year ago by my mother◇, work on a separation/coparenting/cohabitation agreement, and, eventually, find someone to be the big spoon to my little spoon. Is it awful that I just want to be held sometimes? Hell, why am I asking you? My feelings are mine and can't be bad because I'm not the villain in this story because I'm telling it.
Anyway, I've got stuff to do, so I'm cutting this short.
Stay tuned for my utter lack of progress in my goals♧.
C.D.
*to be fair, I've done some asshole things lately. Passive aggressively and unknown/unnoticed to anyone besides myself, but I'm still NOT
as much of an asshole, so there's that.
#nobody really deserves anything, I'm constantly reminded, but I do know that I deserve better than I get from him.
☆anything less than a freight train is slight to me because I once had a neighbor about half a football field away that would wake me up with his snores.
◇But first I have to pack the rest of her shit up and move it out to the garage.
♧just being realistic, home slice. I've been unhappy here for years and I'm still doing nothing much more than bitching about it.
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