anxiety is going to fuck my world

and...
depression...

and thoughts of hurting myself.
really hurting myself. my eyes held for way too frigging long on the sharp chef's knife tonight.

i'm stopping myself from doing that, but goddamn it I've been in tears a good portion of the day.

I need a leave of absence, I think. 
i don't think i need the hospital, but i need a fucking break and a change of scenery.... preferably with someone who might be willing to keep me from sharp objects.

think good thoughts for me
C.D.

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