Here comes the weekend
We get the little one Saturday so I'm super stoked about that, but when it comes down to it, I'm either super down or super up lately. Super up me has all sorts of plans and wants to GO and DO and craft and photograph and remodel and pack up crap for a yard sale or goodwill. Down me just wants to sleep and read and be ignored. Down me can't handle my younger daughter (who can sense that I'm down and wants to right up on me all the time) or my dog sitting quietly next to me wanting to be petted. Down me is around way too much and can't handle the grand, wonderful ideas that up me has. Up me is never around long enough to do half of the things that she plans.
So there's another separation in my life. Up and down. Public and private. I'm absolutely pissed that the most awesome little dude has to be a private part of my life because "what would the firm think," "What would the community think," "what would the CHURCH think??!?"
That's the biggest thing. If the church isn't willing to support a family willing to forgive and work together for the benefit of a child that didn't ask to be born, perhaps a change in church is in order. But nay, we don't take the little one to church because the mother in law is convinced that people will judge HER about her having a (black) grandson. Not a child born as a result of an affair... A (black) grandson. When she says things like that, you can practically hear the parentheses.
The pastor and his wife know and support us... And they agree that the only person that will have a problem with our adorable, wonderful, smart, funny little guy being raised in our church is his own grandmother.
Maybe we need to find a different church home. Or maybe she needs to do a little soul searching and get to know her grandson.
So she supports my decision not to throw away the marriage based on the selfishness of her son, but she can't support enough to love and accept and include her own flesh and blood.
Goodness! I didn't know where I was going with this writing when I started (I never do, it seems), but I'm glad to get it out.
Sorry for the rambling, but like the blog says, I'm digitizing the chaos over here.
C.D.
So there's another separation in my life. Up and down. Public and private. I'm absolutely pissed that the most awesome little dude has to be a private part of my life because "what would the firm think," "What would the community think," "what would the CHURCH think??!?"
That's the biggest thing. If the church isn't willing to support a family willing to forgive and work together for the benefit of a child that didn't ask to be born, perhaps a change in church is in order. But nay, we don't take the little one to church because the mother in law is convinced that people will judge HER about her having a (black) grandson. Not a child born as a result of an affair... A (black) grandson. When she says things like that, you can practically hear the parentheses.
The pastor and his wife know and support us... And they agree that the only person that will have a problem with our adorable, wonderful, smart, funny little guy being raised in our church is his own grandmother.
Maybe we need to find a different church home. Or maybe she needs to do a little soul searching and get to know her grandson.
So she supports my decision not to throw away the marriage based on the selfishness of her son, but she can't support enough to love and accept and include her own flesh and blood.
Goodness! I didn't know where I was going with this writing when I started (I never do, it seems), but I'm glad to get it out.
Sorry for the rambling, but like the blog says, I'm digitizing the chaos over here.
C.D.
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