Just getting things out
I haven't blogged or journalled in years.
I've been in therapy off and on for the past 3 years or so.. more on than off in the past year.
In the past year, I've lost the support of my family, my trust in a close knit community of women, the belief that my husband wants to be with me, and my best friend.... With all that said, I need an outlet that I'm not paying by the hour. I'm trying to do more stuff for me and this is one of those things I'm doing.
Background on me - I'm a thirty something mother of two girls, a CPA, an aspiring novelist, and a long-term sufferer of depression, anxiety, migraines, and just being fat and out of shape. I'm healthy otherwise, I have great lab results, nothing is ever borderline. I'm just big and can't run.
I'm doing things to fix my problems. I've got Daith piercings for the migraines and that has been a miracle for me in the last year (I'm speaking only of my own experience and this should not be taken as medical advice... I'm a CPA, not a doctor). I'm medicated for my depression, medicated for my anxiety, and I'm taking steps (pun totally intended) to be more active, eat healthier, and drink more water. Another part of my own self-help kick is that I'm doing more stuff for me. This is hard, you guys. I work long hours, have a long commute, and I have to give time to the family, the reason I work those long hours and drive so blame much.
My best friend died this year. She fought so hard to make sure that her boys were taken care of. She fought so hard just to spend more time with them. I have to do more to live up to her memory... but I can't do that if I don't start getting things off my chest.
This year hasn't just been about loss. I've gained some good things too. I got my CPA license, which was a huge deal. I've got new friends - my best friend's sister and my son's mother have become close friends to me.
Wait... my son's mother?
Yeah, my husband had an affair that resulted in the most wonderful baby boy. He's smart, funny, adorable, and deserves the world. Just like my girls. I love him like my own. I see the parts of him that are just like the girls. And yes, I love my husband and I stayed with him.
And since I stayed, my family doesn't support me. They barely talk to me. When they do talk to me, they ask me what sort of example I'm setting for my girls (my answer: love, forgiveness, repentance, acceptance, perseverance, yadda yadda). I can't listen to the same prepared speeches that berate me and tell me I'm what's wrong with the world over and over, so my counselor is generally the shoulder I cry on, the voice of reason, the person that tells me if I'm being an idiot. And for the record, he hasn't told me that, even once.
I'm trying. Really trying...
And on that note, I'm going to go get my meds and find something to do that's just for me while the family is out.
I've been in therapy off and on for the past 3 years or so.. more on than off in the past year.
In the past year, I've lost the support of my family, my trust in a close knit community of women, the belief that my husband wants to be with me, and my best friend.... With all that said, I need an outlet that I'm not paying by the hour. I'm trying to do more stuff for me and this is one of those things I'm doing.
Background on me - I'm a thirty something mother of two girls, a CPA, an aspiring novelist, and a long-term sufferer of depression, anxiety, migraines, and just being fat and out of shape. I'm healthy otherwise, I have great lab results, nothing is ever borderline. I'm just big and can't run.
I'm doing things to fix my problems. I've got Daith piercings for the migraines and that has been a miracle for me in the last year (I'm speaking only of my own experience and this should not be taken as medical advice... I'm a CPA, not a doctor). I'm medicated for my depression, medicated for my anxiety, and I'm taking steps (pun totally intended) to be more active, eat healthier, and drink more water. Another part of my own self-help kick is that I'm doing more stuff for me. This is hard, you guys. I work long hours, have a long commute, and I have to give time to the family, the reason I work those long hours and drive so blame much.
My best friend died this year. She fought so hard to make sure that her boys were taken care of. She fought so hard just to spend more time with them. I have to do more to live up to her memory... but I can't do that if I don't start getting things off my chest.
This year hasn't just been about loss. I've gained some good things too. I got my CPA license, which was a huge deal. I've got new friends - my best friend's sister and my son's mother have become close friends to me.
Wait... my son's mother?
Yeah, my husband had an affair that resulted in the most wonderful baby boy. He's smart, funny, adorable, and deserves the world. Just like my girls. I love him like my own. I see the parts of him that are just like the girls. And yes, I love my husband and I stayed with him.
And since I stayed, my family doesn't support me. They barely talk to me. When they do talk to me, they ask me what sort of example I'm setting for my girls (my answer: love, forgiveness, repentance, acceptance, perseverance, yadda yadda). I can't listen to the same prepared speeches that berate me and tell me I'm what's wrong with the world over and over, so my counselor is generally the shoulder I cry on, the voice of reason, the person that tells me if I'm being an idiot. And for the record, he hasn't told me that, even once.
I'm trying. Really trying...
And on that note, I'm going to go get my meds and find something to do that's just for me while the family is out.
Comments
Post a Comment