Doing Better

Unfortunately, this is the goal and not the reality.  I didn't sleep last night.  Well... maybe an hour or so.
Working on my budget.  Working on me. My book and my writing will likely take a back seat.  Kids, career, and doing the best I can for me.
I will not give up my group.  I need a group of people who are like me.  This is pretty much my only social interaction.
I won't give up my therapy.  I'm fucking twisted and I know it.  I need that shit.

I won't be going back to my "family" though either.  I can't trust them not to turn on me again the next time I need them.


I sang this morning. I haven't been listening to music all that much and I just needed some music.  A normal person in the midst of gathering her shit to prepare for divorce (god I hate that I have to use that word) would crave ice cream or alcohol or pizza and sweats on a comfy couch. But I craved music. I butchered a song from my favorite Broadway musical. I sang some Patsy Cline (recorded my attempts at both... I think I have a great speaking voice and.... I won't lie.... a pretty fucking wonderful [for an amateur] singing voice - even without having done that in a while).

After I got that out of my system, I started listening to music but it was all love songs so I promptly turned that shit off.

I get lust. I get anger. I get sadness. I get depression. But fucking love songs can bite my left ass cheek.

Song of the day for today, now that I'm really thinking of it is "Fuck You" by Lilly Allen. The pleasant and bubbly melody sung in her sweet soprano can completely get one by on you if you're not listening closely.  amazing shit.

I miss being loved, but i'm working on loving me first (cheesy and cliche, I know.... fuck off, this is *my* blog.)

Trying to do this with grace,
Chaos Digitized

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